Sermon October 20, 2024
Encourage One Another
I wrote this sermon because we are going through a difficult time
now looking for a new Interim Minister and then a replacement for
Jeff. I am afraid of losing people and not being aware of existing
problems or concerns. It can happen so quickly. Someone is not
in church one week and then another. If you do not attend church
every week, you might not even notice that someone has not
been coming. I’m not even sure who regularly attend 8:30, 9:30
or 11:00 services. We need everyone to be our eyes and ears for
problems and concerns. We need everyone to help keep track of
all our members and those in our community. Today, I’m just
going to tell you some stories and incidents that have happened
to me. Hopefully it will give each and everyone inspiration to
reach out to others in need.
You are probably saying you can’t possibly do anything BUT
YOU CAN!! Do you have a listening ear, a caring heart, a helping
hand, a healing hug, or maybe a cheery smile.
DO YOU HAVE a LISTENING EAR?
Years ago Chuck and I would visit his aunt and uncle every
Memorial Day and open up their pool. Their whole family and the
Krogslund whole family would be there. The kids would play in
the pool, BBQ and have fun. Then on Labor Day we would do the
same thing only close the pool. One year as always we opened
the pool. In June the day after high school graduation, Chuck’s
cousin’s daughter Tracy committed suicide. Now here it is Labor
Day and we are all sitting around the backyard. I say, Boy! Don’t
we miss Tracy today. Chuck is kicking me under the table like I
was an idiot for saying this. There is complete silence and then
Tracy’s Mother, Roberta, starts talking and telling us how they had
tried family counseling, therapy for Tracy to help her with her low
self esteem and nothing had worked. We talked about a half
hour, reminiscing the fun we always had with Tracy. In the car,
Chuck said he couldn’t believe I said that. What I did was open a
door. If Roberta wanted to talk, I basically said it was okay. I was
willing to listen to her tell us what happened.
My sister died January 23, 2002, 6 months after being diagnosed
with a brain tumor. I was so angry at her. We were always
together to help my mother. Ellie was the secretary to the
hospital administrator and she knew how to deal with doctors.
She was in charge of taking my mother for her doctor
appointments. I was a Martha and a doer. I helped my mother
around the house, cleaned her attic, took care of her flowers, took
her for her hair appointments. I was so angry for my sister
leaving me alone to handle everything. I knew as a Christian I
should be happy that my sister was at peace and no longer in
pain and in heaven. Sometimes Christians have a difficult time
during grief and living up to a Christians expectations. Anger is
usually the first feeling after a loss or being diagnosed with an
illness.
Chuck and I had 6 wonderful friends. We spent every New Years
Eve together, went on vacations together, camping together, and
lots of sporting events with our children together. More than 20
years ago Bill had a brain tumor and after several operations he
was sent Westchester Medical center. We were told he wasn’t
doing well. Chuck and I went down to visit. He had a
tracheotomy and couldn’t speak and wrote down notes. I took a
picture of all 8 of us and told him even though we couldn’t be
there every day, we were still with him I and I held his hand.
Helen began to tell me that she was ordering a chair lift so that
Bill could use it when he came home. I looked at Bill and he just
shook his head. He knew and I knew that he was never going
home. Helen was in denial and was not allowing Bill to talk to
her about his dying. Denial is the second phase of loss.
Bargaining and Depression are two more phases that some
people go through before there is Acceptance. When you are
visiting with people who have a terrible health diagnosis or grief
listen very carefully to what they are saying or not saying. Now I
said you have to have a listening ear. Be sure you know where
your friend is in his stage of life. You cannot talk to someone
about the joys of going to heaven if he is not ready to go
DO YOU HAVE A CARING HEART?
Years ago we had inserts in our bulletins. One had a profound
influence on me. I have since lost the piece of paper but it said
that if someone had an impact on your life, you should tell them
and you should do it Now!!! If you had a favorite teacher, friend,
coach or a grandparent, tell them that they meant something to
you and DO IT NOW. I sent a letter to my college calculus
teacher 30 years too late and told him how much I enjoyed his
classes and hoped my students felt the same about me. I started
giving birthday cards to each of my students and wrote about a
characteristic that I admired in them. Sometimes I had to think
long and hard about some redeeming thing about some students
but I did come up with something. In January, I would hand out a
card to a student and he would say it wasn’t his birthday but I told
him it was his 6 month birthday and I wouldn’t be around in July.
Eighteen months ago, my friend was suffering from depression. I
started to send her a card every week. I would ask her how she
was doing, telling her we were praying for her, writing a favorite
verse in those weekly cards and just reminding her that we care.
Two months ago she told me she saved every card and when she
has a bad day, she takes one out and reads it. Today’s scripture
is a letter from Paul to the city of Thessalonica which was to be
read to everyone. Sometimes a letter or a card can be recycled
rather than just an email which is so easily deleted.
Pat Daily once told me that she saved every Christmas card she
got and put it in a basket and would take them out during the year
and pray for that person.
In 1994, my sons Keith and Paul had some friends Kevin was a
senior like Keith and Tim was a sophomore like Paul. They
played on the same sports teams and would go to Yankee games
with us and football games with us. Kevin and Tim’s mother died
that year from cancer. I told Keith and Paul, they had to go to the
wake. Keith said he felt so badly that he didn’t know what to say.
I said, just say that you feel so badly that you don’t know what to
say. He won’t remember what you said but he will remember that
you were there. Keith and Paul went. A few days later Keith
came home and said Kevin was in school. I asked how did it go?
He said Kevin came up to him and said “Thanks for coming.
Keith”
That same year, Chuck and I had some “family friends” whose
daughter, Stacy, was killed during a drug incident in Florida. I
sent a card and called but we couldn’t go to the funeral. That
summer Lynn and Harry came to the Vineyard and rented my
sister-in-law’s house for the week. Lynn called us and asked if we
would like to meet at the beach. I said yes of course and we met,
got all our chairs out sat down and I said, “Tell me everything that
happened with Stacy”. For 2 hours Lynn told me about her drug
addition, trying to get her in rehab, and about her death. We just
talked for 2 hours, I never went swimming, never read my book,
just shared stories about Stacy. As we were packing up to leave,
Lynn says to me, “ You know Gerda, It’s been 6 months and there
are still people in my church who have never said a word to me
about Stacy”. I’m so sorry, Lynn, and now it’s too late and they
don’t know what to say.
Do You Have A Caring Heart- Tell that person and do it Now.
Next week is too late.
DO YOU HAVE A HELPING HAND?
My father died on January 23, 1987, the next day Annie Battles
was on my doorstep with a meatloaf or a sweet potato casserole.
If you hear of something make a cake and take it over and say
that you wanted them to have something in the house if company
comes. Make a meal for people spending time in the hospital or at
a funeral home. We have a group called Care Bears- it’s a list of
12 people who would be willing to make a meal or just order pizza
which is a big hit with families that have children. When Ned, my
brother -in -law died, I went to my sister-in-law’s Karen’s house
with my vacuum cleaner, mop, and cleaning supplies. There was
already a car in the driveway, Karen answered the door, and I told
Karen I was just there to clean her bathrooms and vacuum and
spruce up her house. I wasn’t the first, Karen’s friend Janice
Borland had the same idea. We both knew that Karen had been
going to the hospital in NYC every day from August to October
and never had time to clean her house. Do you have time to pick
up someone at the airport or sit with someone so their care giver
can have a break. It doesn’t have to be life threatening. Chuck
just had carpel Tunnel surgery and just changing a bandage could
be difficult for someone living alone. Get on our Care Bear list or
our funeral reception list. Write cards, make a phone call to say
you haven’t seen them in awhile, Start knitting prayer shawls or
take one out of the closet and visit with someone.
DO YOU HAVE A HEALING HUG OR A CHEERY SMILE?
Joan Addy put on a program for our Garden Club one time about
Language of Flowers. I loved the program so much, I made one
up for the Master Gardeners that I do throughout Orange County.
Sometimes I have friends that need a lift or encouragement and I
don’t know if they are Christians or if they believe in God. Many
times people do not visit someone because they don’t know what
to say. I encourage people who attend my program to take a
bouquet and write on a card the meanings of the flowers. Or just
take one flower: a yellow rose for friendship, rosemary for
remembrance, a marigold for grief, Sea Statice for strength,
lambs ears for support. A few years ago my friend was
diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It was October and I called
and asked if I could come see her. She was weak and not up for
lots of visits. I started to send cards; I asked her if she would like
to be on our prayer list. She said, I guess it can’t hurt. I said, No
it definitely can’t hurt. I knitted her a prayer shawl. Put in favorite
verse in her cards. That next summer she was put in hospice
care. Her husband had to carry her upstairs she was so weak.
The following February, she emailed me that she was cancer free.
I shared the news with everyone here and everyone applauded.
We had seen a miracle. So if you have no idea of what to say -I
brought you this yellow rose because I value your friendship or
this rosemary as a remembrance of all our fun times together.
That flower might open a whole new conversation about times
past and friendships shared. It might open the door for the
person to share with you. I always end my program with Joe
Miedema’s song. “Just one Rose.”
In Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 it says “Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work: If one falls
down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up.
In 1 Peter 4: 10-11 Each of you has been blessed with one of
God’s many wonderful gifts to be used in the service of
others. So, use your gift well. 11 If you have the gift of
speaking, preach God’s message. If you have the gift of
helping others, do it with the strength that God supplies.
So if you hear of someone in need, do you have a listening ear, a
caring heart, a helping hand, a cheery smile to share. If you hear
of someone that needs help do something- make a call, send a
card, go visit, ask if they would like to be on our prayer list, take
them a prayer shawl. If you are not able to do something right
away, call the office or tell someone. Let us know so we can help
whoever is in need. Remember that even if you can only do a
little, that is enough to make a difference. Don’t wait, do it now.
Author: Gerda Krogslund